A Disco Lafleur! Life Lesson Filled Hockey Hug of Love

My life is in shambles right now.  I cannot even handle this.  Like, I just – I don’t know anything anymore.  This is beyond.  Some things are just too good. 

Guy Lafleur has a disco album – Lafleur!

Guy Lafleur.

Disco album.

From 1979.

With an exclamation mark in the album title.  That’s how you know it’s major.

Obviously, the entirety of this musical endeavour is now in my iTunes.  It’s also beyond important to note that the first time the album played through, the song that came on immediately following it was “Stop”.  By Spice Girls.  Clearly there was a spectacular dance party taking place.  This extended it.

But – focus. Lafleur!

All 7 tracks can be a shining part of your life with a speedy venture to Disco Delivery.  It’s essentially required that you listen to “Scoring”.  Go.  Now.  Do it.

While consuming the whole majesty of this album (4 times) on a music binge, I started deeply considering the lyrics.  I hit this place of hockey disco nirvana where all these words of wisdom started smacking me from all directions.  Hidden messages abound.  Like, this was profound.  There’s substance here, folks.  Mr. Lafleur gives us words to live by.

Plus, I really adore decoding Taylor Swift lyrics.  So it only seems fair that Lafleur’s disco album gets the same respect.

So, pals, I bring you life lessons as per each song on Lafleur!  I suggest you go get a hot toddy, put on your socks and mocs (#socksandmocs), and prepare yourself. Life changing revelations, here we go.

Scoring 

Let’s start here: the most inspirational track on this album.  It was clearly the muse for Bring It All Back.  They sound eerily similar.

“You know you can do it. Baby, all you got to do is try”

Sometimes, it’s about being all brave and marching up that cute boy at Starbucks with your number written on a napkin (instead of lurking beside him and putting Stevia in your latte because he put Stevia in his latte).  It’s about chopping your long hair off because you want to.  Or jetting off across the world without a solid plan.  Or eating pizza for breakfast.  Lafleur believes in you.  I believe in you.  Get your butt in gear.

“You should never predetermine what you are going to do”

Making plans pretty much means you will do exactly what is not included in said carefully mapped plan.  Annoying, but likely.  Flexibility and hilariously snarky reactions are the way of the future.

“Hesitate, hesitate” 

This is so key.  It applies to basically all major life situations.  Oh, you think you want to kiss that cute person at the bar. HESITATE, HESITATE.  Wait, that creamscicle-coloured jumper with a bird pattern for purchase has caught your eye?  HESITATE, HESITATE. There’s a really adorable kitten up for adoption – so what if you are 23 and it’s your 4th cat?  HESITATE, HESITATE.

Face-off

It appears Lafleur doesn’t actually contribute to this song.  But it’s aggressive.  It’s my new battle song.  I’m also fairly certain it was not written for the purposes of this album, but rather was snapped up and adapted on the cheap.

“Turn around and face the music (You’d better face it, this is a face-off)”

Sometimes really icky things happen.  And you have to put on your big girl pants and walk right into these yucky situations.  It’s not that hiding at home with a jar of Nutella isn’t a solution.  It’s that it is the wrong solution.  Be brave.

“Baby you’re not alone, guess you’ll see its you and me”

Best friends are the greatest.  Just top notch.  So do them nice things like send them snail mail, treat them to not-super-cheap whiskey (honey flavoured), and buy them Lafleur! for their birthday.  Or something like that.

Skating

“The secret is balance (this is what its all about, balance)”

Balance can be so confusing.  Even when things aren’t equal they can totally in equilibrium, you know?  Like, when you make salad with 1 handful of spinach, 2 handfuls of feta, and 3 handfuls of olives – balance.  Or say, when you write a paper for 24 minutes and then take a 30 minute break and then write for 31 minutes and take a 2 hour break and then stare at your paper for 15 more minutes and call it a day – perfect balance.  Balance always, my friends.

“1, 2, 3, stop”

Again, mega applicable to all life situations.  A suggested limit of three applies to a substantial number of things: toppings on frozen yogurt, minutes spent cleaning, slices of pizza consumed, number of chances given to a boy while he tries to get his act together, shots of tequila in a row, shirts worn at any one time, venti coffees per day, bouts of laundry each month, and people who can share a sled.  Among others.

Checking

This song is a personal favourite of mine.  The line “check check check check check check body check” might be in my head forever.  It is also a wealth of wisdom-laden quotes.  It needs to be on your iPod as of about 3 seconds ago.  Go.

“Make your first few strides short and powerful and then keep both skates on the ice”

Opening moves/first impressions are crucial.  Make them matter in a major way.  But follow them up with substance – get stuff done and stay realistic.  Disco hockey advice is so real right now.

“When the checker made the puck carrier come to him, the checker was boss.  But when the puck carrier was good enough to make the checker attack him, well, that was a different story.  I was the boss”

Girls.  Note this.  Abandon pursuits when the target has left the building.  Learn when it’s time to abort mission and call your best pals for emergency support supplies (wine, cheese, and Mean Girls).

Power Play

Definitely no Lafleur appearance here.  Any hockey connection in this song is at best tumultuous.  I’m convinced it is the product of someone’s extreme breakup-related rage.  This song is outrageous.  So bold.  So catchy.  This song is now part of my gym playlist.  Everything good about disco is right here.

“I’ll get my way with my power play”

We all have secret weapons.  Don’t you forget that.  Sometimes your secret weapon involves fast charm and extreme wit.  Sometimes its about way outsmarting people.  Sometimes its employing the art of silence like a boss.  Break out those powerplays and rock them.

Shooting

This is my absolute favourite jam on Lafleur!  The disco portions actually relate to hockey and they are just fantastic – “got to let it go, just as soon as you get it, got to get the pass, snap the wrist, all in one motion”.  I want it to be my ring tone.  Also, 35 finger tip push ups?  Owwww.

“Keep on pushing, keep on pushing, yeah”

Perseverance, my friends.  Mucho important.  Keep on pushing.

“Move on through, move on”

Some things are so not worth it.  They are just too exhausting.  If it doesn’t make you happy, why do it?

“Keep on reaching out, keep on drawing in, ohhhh, snap the wrist, snap the wrist, let it go, let it go”

I’m actually really unsure what Lafleur is trying to tell us here.  But I know it is profound.  And perfect.  Thank you for this, Mr. Lafleur.

It’s Like I Have ESPN or Something – Irving

When Nicole told me she discovered this and was going to write a post on this, my reaction was, “I guess we’re just posting ridiculous stuff on our blog this week.”  Then I listened to the title track, ridiculous doesn’t even begin to cover it.

What did I just listen to?  There are no words.  I don’t even know where to begin.  Put it this way, the DeAndre Jordan dunk didn’t leave me speechless.  Who cleared this?  Were they blackmailed, lost a bet, or held at gun point?  Those are actually the only reasons why this was made.  Or, someone decided to break the unintentional comedy scale because this is what we have here.  According to Nicole’s quick research this album was recorded in five days.  Did they have auto-tune back then?  I say they did this because after the first minute of recording the producers  said to themselves, “We’re doing everything in one go.”  I am also sure that they described this experience as, “The low point of their careers.”  Was the French version the B side of the tape?  Did it come out on tape or just vinyl?  How many physical copies are in existence?  I want one to punish my kids.  I’m sure this isn’t true but in my mind this album paved the way for Eddie Murphy’s Party All The Time.  Also, the song titles themselves are in discussion for “Worst Title for Anything Ever.”

The hook on Shooting is “Reach out, draw it in, snap your wrist.”  I couldn’t write worse lyrics if I tried.  They do remind me of something though, you know when people joke dance moves like, “The Sprinkler,” “The Shopping Cart,” and the “Q-Tip” we can now add, “Reach out, draw it in, and snap your wrist” to the list.  Actually, I hope some high school kid reads this and puts their yearbook quote down as “Reach out, draw it in, and snap your wrist.”

I don’t know why this exists or how it got cleared or who thought it up (drugs must have been involved).  I’m not sure I want to know.  I don’t think Nicole and I will ever stop laughing and if we do this will be our state of mind.

Irving Chong (@Irving_Chong) and Nicole (@_nicoliooo) are co-creators of This is Why we Can’t Have Nice Things even though it doesn’t make sense why they’re friends.