Basketball Over Everything: DeAndre Jordan…

So last night this happened:


I went H.A.M. last night with my text messages about this occasion aka the night Brandon Knight turned to dust, you know, again.   So here are some of my text reactions ranked from “Coherently excited” to “I typed this out while rolling around the floor screaming like I had won a million dollars a month for the rest of my life.”


17.  I’m done, I’m going to bed.

16.  DeAndre Jordan posterized Brandon Knight.  The dunk broke twitter.

15.  DeAndre Jordan’s dunk > Tiger’s win today

14.  Is there a mercy rule in the NBA?

13.  Brandon Knight is not having a good year.  First Kyrie Irving makes him fall during All-Star Weekend and now DeAndre ends his life.


11.  Brandon Knight is the Chris Bosh of point guards.  Constantly embarrassed.

10.  When Pop said, “I want some nasty.”  This is what he meant.

9.  This dunk was so powerful it resurrected Kendrick Perkins and Timofey Mozogov.

8.  Those 4 kids sitting court side losing their shit?  I’m all 4 of them combined times 950849036049670496235970

7.  That dunk killed coffee/energy drinks.  Need a pick me up watch the clip on loop.

6.  That dunk killed March Madness.

5.  Brandon Knight is DeAndre’s slave for the rest of the year.

4.  DeAndre Jordan is Goku.  The ball is a Spirit Bomb.  Brandon Knight is Majin Buu.

3.  If I was in Staples that dunk would have made my unborn children pregnant.

2.  That dunk made me pregnant.

1. That dunk killed Viagra.  I have a boner and I’m afraid it won’t go away in the next 4 hours.

Now go watch the video again.  So beautiful.

It’s Like I Have ESPN or Something – Nicole

The blonde at 0:18 – just past the kiddos whipping out killer Harlem Shake dance moves (so last week there, young ones). She’s is not into this sitch at all. Grumpy beans. I can pretty much promise she’s dating either Jordan or Knight and is currently mulling over the next 24 hours of her life.

If she’s dating Jordan: We will replay this dunk approximately 3842398492 times before bedtime. Everything will be a re-enactment of this moment. Climbing the stairs to our room – “I pushed off with this same left foot when I dunked today”. Tossing his socks into his dirty laundry – “this toss has the same arc as Chris’ lob on my dunk tonight”. Brushing his teeth – “this toothbrush friction sounds like the roar of the crowd when I dunked tonight”. Fake happiness/feigning interest face engage.

If she’s dating Knight: So on the way home I need to pick him up a cuddly Teddy bear, 5 pints of Ben & Jerry’s, at least 3 6-packs of his favourite brew, a DVD copy of A Walk to Remember, man-sized fuzzy PJs, Doritos, Kleenex, chamomile tea, cupcake scented bath bombs, My Girl on VHS, an entire red velvet cake (with cream cheese frosting), and a bottle of Grey Goose.


Irving Chong (@Irving_Chong) and Nicole (@_nicoliooo) are co-creators of This is Why we Can’t Have Nice Things even though it doesn’t make sense why they’re friends.


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